its not stalking. its research.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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