I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize