I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
