this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
