There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
