This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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