as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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