Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
