come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
