if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
