I'm laying in your front yard are you home
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
