If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
