We're facebook friends in real life
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
