why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize