so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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