I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
