Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
