I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
