Say something about gay babies.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
