Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
