Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
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