Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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