I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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