Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
