My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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