ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
