i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
