Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
either way he was missing a nipple.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
