I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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