Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
