we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
