every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
