Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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