We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
