i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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