Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
