Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Randomize
