Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My dick has a subreddit
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
