my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize