Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Bring me that man meat
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
