i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize