$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
