Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
