do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
