Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize