i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The beers last night were like the tears from god
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
