Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
