Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize