I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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