you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
