i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
