Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
