yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
