I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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