My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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