im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
