Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
