sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
