When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
