when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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