So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
