Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
