Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
