I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
