I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
