Im at strip club and am horny
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
