I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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