Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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